What to do when indecision strikes
Hi! Gina here.
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions. We make them all the time, every day.
Some are simple: what to have for breakfast? Which socks to wear? Single espresso or double?
Some feel bigger: what’s my next career move? Is it time to end the relationship? Is [insert your wildest dream here] worth pursuing?
Making the best decision for you can feel challenging sometimes. Feeling “stuck” sucks AND it happens to all of us.
At the moment, I’m planning my wedding (happening early next year). As pumped as I am to marry my sweetheart, the decision-making process around the celebration itself can feel like a real cluster-you-know-what sometimes. When I consider factors like family and money and so-called cultural “norms” that surround a wedding, even simple decisions can start to feel unclear.
In anticipation of the myriad of decisions we’d be making together this year, my partner and I decided to do one thing before we made a single decision about the wedding. That one thing ended up being an absolute game-changer in terms of our ability to make decisions clearly and confidently.
So, I wanted to pass it along.
Before we made a single decision about anything wedding-related, we identified our Top 5 Values for our celebration.
For those of you who have attended our 2-day intensive, this process will be somewhat familiar.
Here’s how it works:
I made a list of values that I felt were important that we honor around our big day. My partner did the same. From there we shared lists and circled the words or qualities that we had in common. We then decided together which values were most important to us. We played around with different words until we landed on 5 that felt just right. It took us less than an hour. By the end, we had a list of our Top 5 values for our wedding experience. The exercise was simple to do and super energizing for us.
*Keep in mind that you can do this exercise alone around any situation you like. It doesn’t need to be done in partnership.
Among our top 5 values are… Love. Ease. Magic.
Here’s where the decision-making piece comes into play. When I (or we) get stuck around a particular decision involving the wedding, I/we ask, “what would love do?” or “what would ease do?” or “what would magic do?”
Here’s how this looks in practice. My partner and I were going back and forth about hiring a wedding planner. “Is it worth the cost?” “Do we really need the help?” “Um, we’re getting married in a foreign country, we totally need help.” We were not at all aligned until we asked ourselves, “what would ease do?” The decision was immediately clear.
Another example: just last week I had a heated exchange with my brother around some of the wedding logistics. I felt disrespected and was really irritated with him. Just before I fired back with a knee-jerk response, the question dawned on me, “what would love do?” It diffused my anger almost immediately. From there, I could speak from my heart.
The point is, you can look to your values as allies when you’re making a decision about what to do or how to respond. If you are stuck, ask your values to chime in and give their perspective on the situation. Whether it’s about work, or a wedding, or a relationship, I’ve found this practice to be incredibly insightful when it comes to grounding yourself in what really matters and making choices that align with that truth.
Alicia & Gina