It is easy to rely on others, but at what cost?


Hi! Alicia here.

I moved a month ago and way underestimated the adjustment period. I am still in the same city (Oakland shoutout) but in a new neighborhood. One that I rarely visited before saying “yes” to our house. Or rather had a landlord finally say “yes” to an unmarried couple, half of which is self employed.

Don’t get me wrong - I adore our new house - in a way I didn’t think I would ever adore anything I didn’t own. I exhale when I open up the door because it is a magic oasis tucked into the trees.

But I had a story that moving should be easy. I'd lived in my old place 4 years - the longest I have lived anywhere as an adult - chasing my value of variety.  I have moved dozens of times.

I have yet to accept that I am not “just down the highway” from everything I used to do. I have been late every single day since the move. I have to take the highway. A lot. The highway has traffic. The exits are foreign. I am heavily relying on Google Maps.

Yesterday I realized that my reliance on Google Maps to tell me exactly how to get everywhere came at a cost. It was getting in the way of my feeling confident about how to navigate my new neighborhood. I was missing most of the journey by staring at my phone and following the highlighted blue line.

I turned off my map. I used my intuition. I accepted that I might not find the most efficient route to any given destination.  But I will know how to get everywhere much sooner. I can drop the story I am holding “that everything is so foreign” in favor of “everything is familiar.” Doing so will give me confidence and ease.

This is almost always the case. If I can turn on someone else’s advice (or Google Maps) than I can turn off the need to navigate things myself. But in doing so, I also say yes to believing that everyone except me has the answers or the experience. I say no to investing in my own confidence. I trade short term simplicity for believing in myself.

When we rely on things outside of ourselves, we stop seeing what is possible when we lean into what we already know. And when we really need it, we can turn our phones back on and plug back in to Google maps or phone a friend.

Shine On, 

Alicia Jabbar